Can you handle public petting?

Publish date: 2024-10-25

When Phil Tuffnell met his girlfriend, Dawn Brown, after his victory on 'I'm a Celebrity - Get me Out of Here' she seemed embarrassed rather than thrilled.

His constant 'I love you's' and demands for kisses left her looking distinctly uncomfortable.

Maybe she was less than happy about his cuddling up to fellow contestant, Linda Barker, or perhaps she had a dose of the British disease - 'no cuddles please, we're in public'.

So how do you handle Public Displays of Affection (PDAs) when you are out together? And what is your lover trying to tell you if he always wants hugs and kisses in public, but shies away from affection at home?

Here are a few ideas to help you walk the dividing line between affection and full on action in public.

Marking his territory.

  • Cuddling is good for you. It prevents stress, lowers your blood pressure and boosts your immune system. (Even cuddling your dog is proven to reduce high blood pressure!).
  • If your partner puts his arm around you when you are out and about he is telling other men 'she's mine'. He is defending his territory and making sure that other men get the message to stay away. If you do the same thing you want to be his alone and you are warning other women to keep their distance. This is why some men are affectionate in public, but not at home.

    Redefining your bond

  • Kissing and hugging after a long time apart (think of those pictures of returning Iraq War soldiers and their partners) is a way of re-establishing your bond. It says 'I missed you and want to feel close again'. If you find it hard to return this kind of affection (like Dawn Brown) you may simply need more time to feel part of the couple again.
  • If you think your partner goes a bit too far with his PDA explain how you feel when you are in private. Say 'I love it when you hug me, but I find your full on snog a bit too much'. Avoid being angry or sarcastic. Keep calm and say what you feel so he knows you care about him but want a few guidelines to spare your blushes.

    Reassurance

  • Think about why this is happening. If he seems to need to assert his 'ownership' a lot he may be feeling insecure about the relationship. Phil Tuffnell may have done this to try to reassure Dawn, but going over the top can sound phoney and suspect.
  • If you always pull away when your partner gives you a hug, try to relax and enjoy the moment. He is trying to tell you how much he cares. If you never return his affection he might decide you really don't care and give up.

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